Meeting for Pixie

 So today was our interview and our chance to meet Pixie. Unfortunately, when we got to the office we found out that one of the interviewers was out sick. Sooooo we have to reschedule. Good news is that they will have Pixie there so we'll get to meet her and her current foster family. We also got to chat with her social worker for a bit today. She was super nice and answered a bunch of our questions. Apparently this is pretty much an adoptive placement, not just a flex arrangement like we thought. There is a TPR trial set for next month and I guess there isn't any foreseen issues with it *knock on wood*. I'm excited but cautious because there's other families that they're interviewing so we're certainly not the only ones in the running.

Adoption Date!

 We have an adoption date of January 15th at 9:30. I can not wait. I'm still bummed it's not happening before Christmas but we had issues with a lawyer who kept trying to raise his price and was impossible to contact so we dropped him. Our adoption worker said he knew a great firm if we didn't mind a phone adoption, we don't we just want to get everything finalized ASAP. So he set us up with them and now the adoption (after state refund) will be costing us a whopping total of $30 instead of the $1000 the other guy wanted. They give discounts for special needs adoptions which apparently is what Princess is classified as.

 In other news Giggles will be leaving soon. She will be moving closer to her dad for visits, She now has a diagnosis of RAD and bipolar. He also suspects she has ODD, OCD and ADHD. I actually feel better with the diagnoses, now I feel less like I'm crazy. They told us a month and a half ago they'd be moving her in 2 or 3 weeks. I should have known better. They're still trying to move her before Christmas but I'm not counting on it now and scrambling to get her some equal gifts.

 Oh and some more exciting news. We got an email about a baby (newly turned 1) girl that they're looking for a concurrent family for. I read over her needs and they are all things I feel super easy handling plus she is absolutely adorable. I'm going to call her Pixie since she is tiny for her age and so petite looking. I sent a response not expecting to hear anything back since I feel like I've put in for a ton of children and have gotten few if any responses. Imagine my surprise when they emailed me back in 10 minutes. They approved us for an extra foster care slot in case Giggles is still here and we have a meeting on the 26th. They don't know if Pixie will be there or not since they have to see if the foster family would be able to come the day after Christmas. I am trying to keep from getting excited. I don't want to be disappointed.

 Hubby and I have talked about the what ifs and we're both trying to not get excited. We're both okay not adopting again, in fact Hubs would rather not.... well sort of. We're both used to 5 kids, it'd be strange only having 4. Plus I love the idea of a close sister bond. I am so jealous when I see people that are close to their sisters. My sister and I were almost 6 years apart and we're just now becoming friends. I want Princess to have a sister that she is close to and has that amazing sister bond. Even more so since they would have someone else to talk to about adoption and their feelings on it. On the other hand if Princess were to remain our only girl she will be spoiled rotten and I can afford to spend more on clothes. We love buying girl clothes and have developed a non budget friendly love of Gymboree and Zulilly. So we'll see and I'm going to try to post more.

Met our new adoption worker yesterday

 Yesterday we got to meet our new adoption worker. I have got to say that we already kind of love him. He answered all my silly questions and all my serious ones too. I wasn't really sure what to expect and if anyone out there in internet world is wondering I'll let you know.

 First he came in and we introduced him to everyone and made some small talk. Then he asked us if we had a special day we were hoping to adopt her. Did we want to wait for Christmas or a birthday or something? No ASAP! He laughed and said if we did our paperwork quickly he'd do his and we'd be done before Christmas maybe even Thanksgiving. Its kind of like buying a house lots of paperwork and lots of paperwork for the Realtor (adoption worker). He also went over subsidies and continued medical care and let us know Princess is going to be considered special needs because of her family history. We already knew about the history but it was surprising to me that she's considered special needs when she's perfect. I know maybe I'm biased.

 He also went over the option of changing her name which we don't want to do. New social security number which we DO want to do. Who's allowed at the ceremony, everyone and anyone we want. Getting a lawyer and whats a normal price and what price they'll reimburse. Its so exciting everything is becoming real.

 I also made my appointment with our family friend and amazing photographer to set up Princess' photo session. Ordered her headband to match her dress. Now we just need to go get new shoes.

Finally moving along

Well we've finally been transferred to an adoptions worker which means Princess' old case worker won't be visiting for her any more. We'll still see her for Giggles of course. We get to meet with our new worker next week to go over everything. I am so excited that things are moving along! I asked him if the timeline is still the same 'sometime before Christmas' and he said that everything would definitely be done by Christmas possibly even Thanksgiving!

Soon this little princess will officially be ours :)

Just keep swimming

 So I haven't been posting regularly but then again nothing has really been happening this summer. We've been on multiple camping trips. This one is the all boys trip that my husband took the boys on all by himself but we had a bunch more together.

While the boys were gone we had a special girl weekend with nail painting, princess dress up, Starbucks and a trip to the park.

We didn't go on any big trips this year, mostly because its so hard with Giggles. Next year we have a month long trip planned so that should make up for it. :) 

 Now we're busy prepping to start school on Monday. Giggles starts the following Monday and possibly Moose it just depends on how full they are. Giggles gets in because she is a foster child but we make just a little bit too much for Moose to qualify. They told us if they weren't full though that they would take him as a special circumstance. I'm really hoping they can since he is dying to go to school and will be devastated if Giggles can go and he can't. 

 Oh and we're also prepping for Halloween because I decided I wanted to make costumes this year. We're going with a Star Wars theme. First thing I did was a robe for Moose so he can be Yoda. Still need to hem a sleeve and get/make a belt but I think it looks cute so far.

Another Princess Post

 So we finally got all the ICWA stuff back and nope she isn't considered Native American. So yay for that. Hubby and I both assumed that would mean everything would move super fast since everything is done. Well case worker sent me an email and let me know she'd be sending the paperwork over to adoptions this week. I asked her if that meant it should be all done in a couple months. Her response was 'oh no it'll probably take 5-6 months'. Needless to say we were pretty shocked, I mean everything is done. Really what do they have to do?

 Later that week when I took my big boys to the 4th of July festivities that our town puts on (all the littles were taking naps) I happened to run into our supervisor. She also let me know that our paper work was going to adoptions next week and to expect a call from an adoptions worker. I let her know that our case worker had already let us know but that I figured it would take them longer to call since we were told 6-6 months. She laughed and said no way would that happen it would probably be 3 months TOPS. Nice bit of news and another reminder of why I love living in a small town.

 We also set up a visit for Princess with her mom in August. She's been having a hard time with her decision and everything so when she asked if it would maybe be possible for a visit this summer if we're not to busy please of course I told her yes. She was the one who turned down regular visits we told her we weren't opposed to them. We're going to meet her at the river and hang out, we might camp there that night. Its kind of awkward because she keeps thanking us for giving Princess a better life than she could have. I'm still not sure how to respond to that. We try? Thank you?

 That's it for now because the Princess herself is demanding more milk, not water. Now please.

Happy 4th of July

 Nothing much new here just the same ol' craziness. Happy 4th of July everyone.

Checking in

 So yeah, I completely failed at the A-Z challenge. I could blame the fact that the last couple days we were in frantic party planning mode for Princess and we were camping but no excuses. Oh well I'll try next year.

 So the party went pretty well other than the wind. I should know that we live in a windy area and really decorations either need to be super sturdy or held down really well but apparently that didn't enter my mind. By the end of the day most of the decorations had blown down and we kept sending kids after them and just throwing them away. It was sad for me since I LOVE decorating for parties and they were glittery flower, seriously who could not love those?

 Our whole clan was at the party of course but so was Princess' former foster family, her birth mom and one of my favorite families. I think all the kids had fun. They dumped water out and played with mud in the middle of the campsite and filled up on more sugar then I let them eat in a couple months. After everyone left we hiked down to the river where the kids and hubby stripped down to diapers and undies and played in the water. I just put my feet in and that's when I realized how burned the tops of my feet were. Then we got a good look at all our kiddos and realized that they were burned too despite the fact I had put on sunscreen every 2 hours. Giggles and Cap were the worst. We decided that with burned kids and parents maybe spending the night would be a bad idea. So we loaded up and headed home. I am happy to report that with aloe and after sun lotion most of the burns were gone by morning. Princess got and amazing tan and hers never looked like a burn. Moose and Legoman were a little red across the nose and cheeks. Giggles had the brightest red arms and Cap was slightly red across the nose, cheeks and backs of his legs.

 The part went better than expected, I wasn't sure how birth mom would feel. It was a little awkward but not as bad as I thought it would be plus we got a chance to talk about things that we'd kind of been staying away from. Like she was concerned I was changing Princess' name and I told her the only thing we'd be changing would be the last name. She was worried about how Hubby's and my parents were going to treat her. That was easy to reassure her about because they've all met her and Hub's dad is completely wrapped. It was nice. :)

W is for waiting

Waiting is the main theme of foster care and adoption. First you wait for them to process your initial application and wait for the fingerprints and background checks to come back. Then you wait for the next set of classes to start. The wait for you final application to process. Wait for home visits so the can put together your homestudy then wait for it to be approved. Finally you get your license in the mail and you should be done waiting right? WRONG you get to wait for a placement, we got one pretty quick. I think it was the 4th day after being official that we got a call and on the 6th day Angel and Socialite moved in. Then you wait to see what their case plan is. Both girls were fairly straight foreward cases and we've been lucky to have case workers who make pretty accurate predictions about whats going to happen. Of course there's the waiting for court, court decisions and reunification to happen. Also in the back of your mind your waiting for them to go home so you can find your forever child.

 Then adoption waiting comes. Wait for the tpr/relinquishment to go through and then wait the 30 days (or whatever it is in your state) for the appeal time to be over. Then wait for the HART matching to be done and the the adoption packet to be done. In Princess' case we get to wait for information to come back from all the tribes to see if her great grandmother was Native American or not. Wait for the information to be sent to the lawyer and wait for the lawyer to look it over and approve it. Then wait for a court date and finally the adoption is finally finalized and there's no backsies. We're mostly done with Princess' but the wait is slowly killing me.

 Also Princess' birthday is today! She is 2 and tomorrow we get to go camp and celebrate with her former foster mom, birth mom and some close friends. Can't wait!

V is for Veteran

 Thank a veteran when you get a chance. I've heard people tell me how easy we have it with hubs in the military and its hard not to laugh or get offended. Right now besides working 8-12 hour days he has to fit in 3 times a week an hour of working out as well as starting up physical therapy for his knees. On top of all this he's being told he doesn't volunteer enough. He's done security for concerts/events, Navy ball committee (meetings 2 times a week plus fundraising on weekends) and now he is coaching children on the weekend (not ours because foster care doens't count as volunteering apparently).  The idea that he is on shore duty and how much easier my life is just makes me laugh. I've been through a 6 month deployment,  a year long training session and a year long TDY to Diego Garcia. I feel like its even harder for men and women who know their spouse is in a combat zone so thank a veteran. Don't tell them they have it made because of health insurance or something stupid.

U is for unloved and unwanted

 A lot of foster kids, especially the older ones how understand whats going on feel like they're unworthy of love. Children between the ages of 1-5 make up 54.3% of adoptions while over the age of 11 only makes up 17.2% of adoptions. You can see the Statisics here. The most recent survey I could find says that there has been a decline of children waiting to be adopted, down to 61,000 that seems like way too many for me. I can not imagine what it would be like at 10 to not have a permanent home and to know the chance of me being adopted is extremely slim and in fact defies the odds (slightly less though since I'm female). Now imagine at 10 having to decide if you want to be placed without your brother, your only family left because he's 16 and no one will adopt you both.

 People wonder why children who age out of the foster system are so much more likely to do drugs or end up in jail. I think its because they feel worthless, no one wanted them and of course they have no support system when they're out. When I moved out of my parents house I had them to call and rely on if something happened. I can't imagine basically just being sent out with a trash bag full of my belongings.

 My heart hurts for the waiting children. We are even falling into the category of people that adopt children under 5. We are for birth order purposes and because she was the one they brought. We were open to a child up to 7 but it just didn't happen. If you're thinking about adoption consider an older child.

The Adoption Exchange
Adopt Us Kids
A family for Every Child
Heart Gallery 

T is for TPR

 TPR or termination of parental rights is the death sentence of children's court. Basically the judge rules that one or both of the parents are not safe/capable of raising the child and the rights are forcibly terminated. This is worse than a voluntary termination because it is proof further down the line that you were considered an unfit parent and it makes you more likely to lose any future children. I have heard some cases where they didn't remove future children at birth but I have heard of cases where they did, I think it really has to do with your state and reason for TPR.

 We have only had to watch the TPR process happen once. That was with Angel. Her case was drawn out and somewhat scary because we knew how much was at stake. First there was the criminal trial and we had to help Angel prepare to testify. Since we're in a small town we don't have the equipment for her testimony to be video taped and shown in court she was going to have to testify in front of her father. The father who abused her sexually, physically and emotionally. She asked my husband if he could go up with her and we got permission, the therapist suggested my husband use his body to block her view of her father so he would be unable to intimidate her. Luckily her dad took a plea bargain and plead down from abuse to neglect. Not as much jail time (was supposed to be a year and he was only in 3 weeks) but she didn't have to testify. Then he decided to fight for her and get her back. We were so nervous because according to his criminal case it showed he was 'only' neglectful. Happily he didn't show and the judge said 'well apparently this isn't important to him' but went through the whole trial process and ruled termination. It was such a relief to be there with Miss L who was desperate to adopt Angel. I'm happy to report that Angel is doing AMAZING, no more accidents, flinching from men, or dissociation type of episodes oh and I swear she's grown a couple of feet.

 I'm glad they didn't have to TPR on Princess' mom. She did it voluntarily which means down the road if she gets her life together she'll get another chance to parent. Plus it keeps it more pleasant for trying to set up visits with us down the road because it doesn't feel like we stole her daughter.

S is for Super Social Workers

 Today is S day and what better word than social worker? Ok so technically it's two words but social starts with s so its fine. So far we have had a total of 5 social workers. 8 kids but 5 social workers. Angel and Socialite had the same worker which was nice because she took them both to therapy until I started doing it for Angel because the therapist wanted me to tell her how that week had gone. She was a good social worker, sometimes she did things that annoyed me but I think maybe I was more annoyed with how the system worked. Sweetiepie had a really nice worker, she reminded me of a grandma. We didn't even have her for more than a month and the worker was always helpful when we called her. Brighteyes and Hulk were siblings so once again the same social worker. She was nice and was really supportive of letting us monitor visits and pretty much call the shots on visits. They had tons more visits/phone calls then your typical foster placement. Then of course Snugglebug had a worker I knew apart from DCFS (she goes to church and works with my big kids) and she was wonderful. She took him to all his dr appointments and kept me super informed. Then of course the girl's have the same worker which is super convenient. This worker is great too, she was working over 4 hours away but she is a fast emailer/calling back person. Doesn't seem to hide information from me which is honestly my favorite thing. Of course the fact that she really seems to love the girls helps.

 Whenever I've had a problem or can't get a hold of any of our social workers. I've been able to call the supervisor of our office here in town. Coincidentally she also goes to church with us, must be a small town thing. She is amazing and both my husband and I love her. She cares about the kids so much and is amazing at getting us answers or explaining things to us.

 I've heard a lot of horror stories about horrible social workers and I am glad I haven't had any. *Knock on wood*

R is for Respite

 Yes I skipped Q. I thought of a few things that would work but nothing really came together so I skipped it. So today is R is for respite. Those in the foster care world should know what it means but for everyone else, it is basically someone to watch your kids. Respite can be for a couple hours to a couple weeks. Our agency is pretty lenient as long as we don't need a sitter overnight they don't need to approve the sitter (fingerprinting and back ground check I think). If you have a family emergency and can't bring your foster child(ren) with you then you can call your worker and they will set up for someone to watch your foster kiddos. They have rules for who pays what depending on how long it is. I think here as long as its less than a week the foster parent and respite provider work out an amount and the foster parents pay them directly. More than a week and the state doesn't pay you they pay the respite worker. Its all very confusing and I've never really worried about it since I don't leave my kids with anyone, biological or foster care.

 Well I was forced to rethink that today. My Moose got his finger closed in a door and it was BAD. I knew it was a rush to urgent care visit (hospital is over 40 minutes away). I was alone with all 5 kids since Hubby was off volunteering about an hour away. I do not have an approved respite provider but since I was sure it wasn't going to need someone over night I called my friend. She was amazing, dropped everything and came down. She helped me rewrap Moose's finger, I don't do blood and was doing my best not to pass out so that was amazingly helpful. Then she fed my kids while we were gone and got both girls to go take their nap. I think I need to get her official as my respite provider. I don't think she'd accept money but the safety of knowing I had an 'approved' back up would be a breath of relief. Pictures of the damage, broken finger and 4 stitches since only 1/4 inch of skin was keeping his finger on.

 Now for those people who want to help foster children but don't feel able to actually be foster parents I really advocate looking into being respite providers. You can call you're local cps office and get the information for your state. You can say you are available a couple hours or even open to taking some kids overnight, well at least that's the case here. Most of the time you need to be able to pass a background check and be fingerprinted. Other states might have more requirements but its generally not as intense as the work to be a foster parent. Just a thought for people to look into. 

Pretty Pretty Princess

 Today is brought to you by the letter P. Today P is for Princess, another easy one because I have a child for today. I am actually super excited to brag about Princess a bit because we have had a speech therapist (actually we're on our 3rd) for her since she got here back in September. They don't believe me how much she talks since whenever they visit she doesn't say a word and just sits in the corner of the room glaring at them. She gives the best stink eye I have ever seen. Now she talks to the immediate family members and some friends of mine that we see frequently but the therapists never seem to believe that. They are always telling me she is so delayed and one has tried to tell me they thought she might be mentally retarded. She has also been assigned a developmental therapist because she is 'so far behind'. Keep in mind this is despite me telling them that she talks to me just fine and I think she might be above where most 2 year olds are. The new therapist came out this Tuesday and Princess decided that she liked her. Could be that she was older and not as pushy as the previous ones, I have no idea. Princess talked! She chatted with this lady as if she was part of the family. Two to three words strung together, labeling things and finding things when asked to. New speech lady looked at me and said 'I was led to believe that she was severely delayed. That's why I was assigned I have the most experience but if anything I'd say she's preforming at a 2 1/2 year old level and she's not even 2 yet.' YES! Thank you, I explained her hesitancy with new people and her mean look. I was assured that its much better that she is cautious around strangers than super outgoing like Giggles. She even advised that I get Giggles checked for attachment issues. The developmental therapist came the next day and had heard what happened. She was in shock at Princess' rave review and stayed worked her tush off to get Princess to open up. It took 45 minutes but Princess started talking for her too.

 Now a little bit about our pretty Princess. She is super girly and very dainty. She loves shoes and clothes, especially things with sparkles. Princess already shows a strong preference for the color pink. Whenever ballet comes on tv she freezes and stops to watch. At Christmas time she was the only child to watch the Nutcracker with me. She tries to mimic the dancers and it makes me smile. I can not wait till the social worker gets back to work and lets me know what day we're going to be trying to finalize.

She wanted a ballerina bun and bow :)

Overcoming Overwhelming Obstacles

 While there are plenty of obstacles in foster care and adoption (even through private and international routes.) I chose not to write about myself of my family today. One of my friends has a child who has autism. He is an amazing child who has overcome many obstacles in his life and now has a large one ahead of him. The school sent in a specialist recently who said some verbally abusive things to him. Steven doesn't lie so the school can't say he made it up. They're saying he misunderstood. I believe a person in authority to a child should never threaten but that is what this specialist did. My friend is trying to get the word out to help her son. Here is the letter that he wrote:

To Whom It May Concern;
This is Steven B* and my life has just taken a turn for the worst. As if my life wasn't hard enough. I have several disabilities including Autism, Epilepsy,O.C.D., P.T.S.D. and a anxiety disorder. I guess I have to tell you the whole story. 

Ever since I was young I was always the one who stood out.I was intelligent and could do math in my head at four but I couldn't understand simple social situations and I was lucky if I managed to get a friend most of my youth I had "pity friends".I was a promising child talking way less than a year old but everything stopped.I went through a nonverbal stage and I didn't talk for a year.But no doctors saw this as autism they saw it as a hearing issue.I couldn't speak right mixing up words and sounds 
(which many of my friends with autism do. I was put on medications at a young age, 7 years old and I'm still on them today.I was always the one with good grades in school, I was brilliant. But never have I been able to talk to new people with either ease or grace but I continued with life.

I would always rock and couldn't sit still. I couldn't look people in the eyes because it caused greater anxiety. I would do things wrong without knowing I was. I would obsess myself with things until I was always thinking about them. I would space out. All these signs of autism but people said I was either bipolar or I was pretending for attention. But I trudged on longer.

Then disaster struck we were in debt part of it my fault because of the substantial prices of the only thing keeping me functioning; my medications. We had no other choices so my dad went into the military. When he left I lost it.I started rocking, crying, not sleeping, and trying to commit suicide at eight.
I slipped into a infantile state and lost everything I had learned in my short eight years of life.My dad left and I had dreams of losing him, watching him being shot all these gruesome things from a young eight year olds mind. I slept in his clothes and with his pillow and I would drag my stuffed animal Puppy which my dad gave me everywhere I went. Even with these things it got worse.I started to lose more and more time.Minutes of lost time went into hours, hours to days then it turned to weeks and finally I was gone.It scares me today thinking of the things I could of done not knowing it.The lives I changed and the people I could of hurt. My doctors continued to refuse to diagnose me saying yet again that I was faking or my mom was the cause. I had had enough and while I do not remember doing it I cut my arm just wanting to die to be with my dad.I was hospitalized for weeks but I didn't get better. My mom finally took me out and we went to be near my dad.

So we went east, first to Kentucky then to Maryland. On the way to the base where my dad was stationed things got worse two times, I remember vaguely, of trying to kill myself. One still hurts me today. Not physically but mentally I broke a light bulb and slit my arm open not feeling a single bit of pain, and the other time was when I tried to O.D. by taking my whole bottle of medication. I got lower and lower but the fight continued. My reasoning for trying to kill myself was a religious reason. I believed my father was dead so I would kill myself bring him back a rise again like Jesus did. I didn't know any better. 

We finally got to my dad and things got worse. We were begging for the army to let him go and showed them the damage they caused to me but they wouldn't listen. Then all went black except for little pieces.I was in a room full of people and without thinking I ran for every sharp thing I could find so I would just die, staples, paper cutters, scissors, and more. Then all went black I was then in my Daddy’s arms and sitting in his lap he rocked me while I believe I said his name over and over, then everything was gone.I was in a hotel room I wouldn't go near my Dad because he had his uniform on until he finally changed out of it and I saw my daddy again and I cuddled with him. Then everything faded I was in the hospital flipping out hitting, screaming and kicking. I saw a needle then black. Minutes, Hours, Days, Months, Years, I do not know how long I was gone.My dad got out of the military and took care of me.I went to Kennedy Krieger where they helped me gain control of my thoughts, feelings and actions there I was finally diagnosed with Autism.I got my service dog Max through them and because of Max I held my first conversation with a total stranger.But trouble struck again when the military tried to get my dad back now that I've apparently recovered and more fighting began.But they continued to fight for my dad and I developed a phobia with anyone who wore a military outfit or camo,(Even today I refuse to wear it.)

We came back to the west and settled with family in California. Struggling as always we made it through and I began school again. I was terribly bullied with people literally taking turns bullying me. But whenever I fought back I was the one to be punished. Always the one with detention I had no friends and was alone. The poor kid with no one. But even there days came in patches. People refused to give me the help I needed so I was thrown into normal classes until I ran away to the special Ed room where I was begging them to keep me there. But no one thought that was strange. No of course a normal kid will run away and break down crying after being in a class room for two seconds.They would not recognize my Autism and said it was for attention. My grades were fine but Autism makes the mind ninety percent logic, ten percent social understanding. 

One day I basically quit and told them so and I walked away from school and that was the last day of me being there. I was then home schooled but I refused to talk to the lady who came to the house to help me work. We wrote on a paper to tell each other what only needed to be absolutely said. Finally after weeks I got into a school called ANOVA for kids like me who dealt with bullies all their life and finally received the help they needed. My first days were blurs but they helped me out. I finally remember everything that happened in the day. This was what I needed for years but the struggle continued. Because people think good grades mean you're normal. Well guess what, grades mean nothing!Some of the smartest people in the world have social disabilities they can't talk to people but find out incredible things using logic. Look at Einstein he didn't work well with others essentially quit school, mean while he is one of the greatest minds of a time!
So we fought on two fronts on one side people who wanted to mainstream me and on the other side trying to take my dad. When the army finally quit fighting us we moved back to Nevada, but there was nothing harder than saying goodbye to my friends at ANOVA, but a new chapter began.
My junior year of high school was spent in Fernley.I had a one on one aid and I had friends, good grades and good times. I was doing so well but only because of the help from people all my life. Anova is one of the few things that kept me going through my high school career and without them I would have failed. 

Then my senior year came. Harder than my first and the year I realized I wasn't ready for college or life in general so we fought again this time for my mental well being and to help me succeed. Some of my Special Olympics friends at Fernleyhigh have stayed until they were twenty one years old. A year was all I needed. One year to help me learn how to do simple things like laundry, getting a job, applications and more even today my friends there know more things socially than I do. I would walk with one and they would say hi to everyone so in a lot of ways they are higher functioning than I am. I struggled through this year trying my best, and the only thing keeping me from leaving and dropping out was my teachers, Mrs. Tamera and people I cared about there. In December my mom fought for me staying an extra year and I made a choice that hurt me I wanted to stay one more year than to graduate with my friends, the class of two thousand thirteen.They wanted people to come to the school to help me but they hurt me instead.
They had a person who they claimed to be an "autism specialist" to come and watch me all day. Terry was her name and she destroyed me. I needed to take a walk with my aid Mrs. Tamara which was what I always do, walking and talking help me to stay calm and not run away but Terry followed us.Mrs. Tamera needed to do something so Terry told me I couldn't walk with Mrs. Tamara ever again, and that's just the start. She began telling me that I should graduate this year and all will be fine. I told her that she didn't know me, and then she said she knew a lot of people like me. I told her not many kids try to kill themselves at eight!She replied to me that I need to get my facts straight! I finally broke down I texted my mom begging her to take me home because I couldn't do it anymore and when my mom finally came I broke down crying in my mom’s arms.Even though I cried and I honestly feel like I can't take much of my life anymore the school won't let me stay. All my hard work, my history to overcome the hoops I jumped through and the mountains I climbed all for nothing. This woman destroyed my safe place. School was my safe place not home but safe. Gone, gone with the wind because of one person.
This "autism specialist" who had no clue about people like me. Because of her I have my night mares back, I've had seizures at school and at home.I loose time daily now because of stress and I haven't been eating. Every moment at school when I hear footsteps or spot someone I don't know my heart stops and I can't deal with it, I am crippled and broken. I have always had a shadow hanging over me from what happened to me in Maryland and what I tried to do. Death, my death was my goal. And being afraid the darkness will take me back to what I was and I may succeed at my previous goals of killing myself. She came and lied so the district didn't have to pay extra money to maintain my stability and as I said people are attracted to every way to get money like rats on a carcass struggling and fighting for the biggest piece. 

But as I said my life is a struggle always fighting to keep me sane to keep my family safe. But this one thing may have ruined my life forever and I may never come back this time. So why does it have to be so hard for people to put others before them self? 
But it will always be this way and whether I can deal with the stress in the end or will I have a short life, only time will tell whether my life with be sweet or sour, easy or hard, up or down, light or dark but whatever happens my life will never be easy.

From a troubled teen with autism, 
Steven B*

Please if you have any way of helping (from legal advice to getting the word out). All help is appreciated. I hate seeing this amazing child going from wanting to help with my children and play with them to hiding when I come over to visit.


*I changed the full last name to just the initial for privacy sake.

N is for No News

 You know the saying 'No news is good news'? Well I don't really agree, I hate waiting to hear. I am a plan ahead type of person and I like to plan out every minute detail of my day. Helps me deal with anxiety and what I refer to as my overactive imagination. For trips I write out my plan for the day of leaving and what I need to do that day. I love lists. They keep me organized. I love schedules they help me stay sane. When a social worker tells me they should know in a week or two whether we're going to have to look at ICWA laws then I expect news in a week or two. That way I can start planning. As it sits now through no ones fault I have to wait till next month before I even get any news. Our social worker was injured and had surgery a couple days ago and is going to take a few weeks off to recover. Completely makes sense to me, she needs her rest and time to heal. The fact that we're having to wait is driving me crazy though. Its not like it is going to hurt to wait a couple extra weeks though. As my husband points out, they're basically just paying us to watch our daughter longer. Once the adoption is finalized we'd no longer get a monthly reimbursement for her care (right now they are talking about giving us a subsidy though). Even though we'd be getting less 'extra income' I can't wait. As hard a concept as it seems for some people to grasp, we're not in this for the money.  So yeah, back to the point of this post no news. *sigh*

M is for Moose

 Moose is my baby boy. He is so adorably sweet and will forever be my baby since he was my last child born. He is tiny, this last week he finally made it onto the charts and into the 5% for height and shot right up to the 20% in weight. Even though he's older than Princess and Giggles he weighs as much as Princess who is a whole 13 months younger than him and is barely taller than her (and she's short being in the 25% for height herself). It makes him seem like even more of a tiny baby which makes it easier to still cuddle and hold him like a baby but I'm sure he's going to hate it when he's older if he doesn't hit a serious growth spurt.

 My Moose is a future chef, well at least I hope so. He loves knives and food. Even though he loves food and helping in the kitchen he is the pickiest eater in the house and refuses to eat things that aren't presented nicely on his plate. Moose is the first child I have had to deal with the rule of not letting things touch each other on the plate. For the longest time his only toys that he would play with were his cooking toys and pretend food. We also had to deal with his crazy love of Paula Deen and Alton Brown. Instead of cartoons he only wanted to watch cooking.

 Now he's started branching out with toys and tv. He loves Mickey Mouse Clubhouse, Little Einsteins and Go, Diego, Go. Moose has also started liking guns. He says he needs them to 'get da bad guys. zomees.' 'Zomees' are zombies because apparently I am not observant and he has developed a love of Walking Dead. My husband and I try to watch it when the kids are doing other things but Moose has started sneaking in to watch it.

 Next year my baby will start preschool I'm glad and sad all at the same time. I think it will be good for him, he didn't start talking until 2 1/2 when we had a foster child the same age. I think being around his peers (other than his sisters) will benefit him in the long run. I just can't believe how fast time flies.

From this

to this, in the blink of an eye

L is for Legoman

 So today is the day for L and its pretty easy to pick because I have a child for this day. Legoman is my oldest child, my first born and my favorite. Ok ok I'm kidding... mostly. Legoman is definitely my easiest child. He wasn't when he was a baby though, he wouldn't sleep unless I was there with him. It took me almost 2 years to get him weaned, that child did not want me out of his sight. He also had me wrapped around his pinkie finger.
 Now Legoman is so easy and helpful. He pretty much taught himself to read, he went to kindergarten and one day came home reading. I asked his teacher if they'd been working on it and she was like, no we're working on letter sounds but we're only to m. Then she told me he's been reading stuff in class too. Math came really easily to him as well, he never ceases to amaze me. This year he brought home his report card full of A's but was devastated because he got a B+. I'm not sure where it came from since neither Hubby nor I did that well in school.
 I keep trying to get him involved in other extracurricular activities. He really wants to be in boy scouts but finding a group here has proven more difficult than expected. For beginning of the year he was in the running club at school but they've stopped doing that for lack of volunteers. So now he wants to start hiking with his dad. They're going to start training together so they can hike on the PCT with hubby's parents. We got new hiking boots for him yesterday, now he just needs his own backpack.

He is an awesome kid and just growing way to darn fast. Yesterday he asked if we could get him an Iphone so he can call his friends and grandma. At least he's not asking for a car yet. 

K is for kids

 I love kids, I think they're great. I kind of dread the day when they all grow up and go away. What would I do with myself? Hubby points out that we'll probably have grandchildren by the time they're all gone so apparently I shouldn't worry so much. Kids are great and some children don't get to experience the joy of being kids. That makes me sad. I think I'm going to bed now because I am obviously tired maybe my day was busy what do you think?
4:15- Cap climbs in my bed because he had a bad dream
6:30- Giggles and Princess give the wake up call
7:15- Breakfast
8:05- Legoman and Cap off to school
9:30-10:59 Pick up the house and vac because I haven't vacuumed in a while and someone's coming over
11:00- Speech for Giggles (of course all littles are involved)
12:05- Rush off to the park for lunch and playdate realize the car is on empty and pray I don't run out of gas after the playdate
1:45- Get littles sippy cups of ice water and put them down for naps
2:30- Cap and Legoman arrive home and are quickly shushed and bribed with wii games to keep quiet so they don't wake the littles
2:35- dishes, laundry, gardening, making my bed, and think about sitting down for a minute
3:50- Odd sound wakes up Giggles. Giggles is cranky and cries and wakes up the Princess who is now cranky too.
4:30- Moose wakes up after cranky girls walk into his room and cry while throwing toys
4:45- Hubby is on his way home gather stuff to take kids to town (the big one with Costco)
5:15- Throw kids in car while hubby changes out of his uniform and speed into town to make it to the nursery before it closes
6:03- Nursery is still open even though it's supposed to be closed. Grab Nanking Cherry bush, celery, broccoli  cauliflower and asparagus
6:35- Sportman's Warehouse
7:32- Costco
8:00- Olive Garden and wait 19 minutes to be seated (my poor kids were so hungry made me feel like the worst mom EVER)
10:22- Get home unload kids and car
10:45- Remember I need to do my A-Z blog before bed but can hardly think straight so I just do a schedule of my dad and a generic word for my letter.
NIGHT!

J is for Judge

 Hate the decision or love it the judge makes all decisions with child welfare cases. The judge decides if there is enough evidence to pull a child out of a home, most people don't know that though. They always seem to blame the social workers. They can pull a child out of a home for 48 hours if they're sure the child is in immediate life threatening danger and they have to have enough evidence of abuse to prove to a judge it was a serious emergency. Otherwise the judge will have them return the child if there's not enough evidence. They also decide when the parent is ready to have their child back, granted most time they take the advice of the social worker but in Giggles case the judge decided it just wasn't fair. With Angel's case the judge decided defiantly not reunifying her as it went against the therapist, case worker, supervisor, lawyer and even dad's lawyer was said 'well he didn't show up, guess he doesn't really care.' Sometimes I wonder if the judges know how much their decisions affect these children. Do they just make decisions to hurry the case along to cross one more off the list? Or do they really consider the child's best interest in the situation?

I is for ICWA

 So we are trying to adopt Princess. Everything was going absolutely perfectly and smoothly towards it. Dad had already relinquished and mom did last month. In the process of filling out the adoption packet and the social background information when her dad mentioned 'oh by the way I think my grandma was full Indian. Maybe Cherokee or something like that.' Which mean I get to brush up on ICWA laws.

 ICWA stands for Indian Child Welfare Act and it really is a good thing. It makes sure that Native American children have extra rights to help ensure they are brought up in the same tribe. It is there to protect the rights of their Native American heritage. I think that's a great thing. I'm not so happy that it means that IF Princess does have a full blooded Native American ancestor (that can be proven) it means that the father might have to RE relinquish his rights or that it has the potential that she could be removed to be in a home with people from the same heritage. I know neither of her parents have ever gone to the reservation, other than to pick up fireworks a couple of times and they don't teach her any of her heritage. We do more of those things here than she ever would with her parents.

 Of course this is all hypothetical, apparently many many people claim Native American ancestry and majority of them say they are Cherokee. Honestly I though I had Cherokee history too until all this came up and I researched it. Nope. At least if I do not from anyone listed on any of the rolls which means there is a possibility but its not likely. So now the social worker had to send off letters to each of the tribe's office and they are supposed to answer her with in a week if this ancestor was actually considered to be part of their tribe. That would mean they'd have to be on the rolls. I was given the information and I searched and searched and couldn't find them so I'm not too worried. Its been 2 weeks now and social worker hasn't let me know (of course she's been on vacation for the last week so that could be part of it). For now we get to wait and see.

H is for Human Interference

 Ha! You thought I was going to continue what I normally do in the blogging world, talk about something personal in my life. Not today, well actually sort of. See my father in law wrote a book called Human Interference. Not only that but Hubs and I are on the cover, so it is kind of personal. 

More than that though, its a pretty good book and I don't just say that because I know the author. Hubs is a second generation air traffic controller so its something he of course loves to read about but I enjoyed it too and honestly I could care less about airplanes and control towers other than when they directly affect my life. So if you're looking for a book check it out, if you read it PLEASE leave my dear sweet father in law a comment on the book. It makes his day so much when he gets comments (even when they're not 5 stars). Right now he's hiking the Pacific Coast Trail with my brother in law. Meanwhile my mother in law, sister in law and two kids are following in an RV to be there to resupply them. They have already shared some amazing pictures and my hubby can't wait to hike part of the trail with them later this summer. 

G is for Giggles

 Bet you thought I was going to do a G is for girls post similar to my boys one but no today is for sweet Giggles. Not sure how much I've mentioned about her so this will be a little refresher course. Giggles is the most beautiful little girl I have ever seen, everyone can't believe how pretty she is. Slightly curly blond hair and the biggest dark blue eyes I've ever seen. She is also the loudest child I have ever met and the most courageous, nothing scares her. Honestly I wish she was more scared of doing crazy things I feel like I am always having to call her social worker and let her know how many injuries she's amassed that day. Giggles is as rough and tumble as my boys but still likes to have her nails painted. Everyone tells me how much 'my daughter looks like me' which I just say thank you instead of explaining that she's a foster child. Now that she's started talking so much more she'll smile and say 'Thank you Giggles pretty like mama pretty. Giggles really pretty.' Huge sentence for a child that was pretty much non verbal 6 months ago.

 As for whats happening with her case? Well that's where things get sticky. The judge decided to terminate her mother's rights since no one knows where she is BUT she also rule for reunification with the father. The father is in jail and will be for another 2- 2 1/2 years. He's only seen Giggles ONCE and that one time was when we were on vacation near him and took her in for a visit. The father has never raised any of his children (he says his rights were terminated but no one can find the proof) and has a history of drug abuse. I am so heartsick over this decision. I hope that he is serious about getting his life together and that he is the world's best single dad or that he screws up REALLY early so that it doesn't affect her. She'll FIVE by the time he gets out and starts getting visits with this man. She'll have 4- 6 months to get used to the idea of living with a total stranger. To go from a loving caring home with lots of siblings, toys and parents that know how to handle more difficult children to an unknown situation. (Just in case I haven't mentioned it earlier Giggles is an extremely difficult child, we adore her but she gives us a run for our money :) ) I know a lot can happen in two years but this is one of the biggest worries on my mind right now. Sorry for the downer of a post I'll make it up to you with picture of Giggles camping this weekend.

You can't see it in the picture but she camouflaged herself with dirt, she is covered head to toe. 

F is for Farm

 I have a secret (well unless you know me in real life) desire to have a farm. In 3-4 years hubby and I want to have a farm. Not one to earn a ton of money or anything just something that is pretty much self sufficient. We want cows, chickens, ducks, guinea fowl, rabbits, sheep, pigs and great Pyrenees dogs. Actually we've picked the breeds for most of our livestock. Dexter cows, Icelandic Sheep, Orpington and Americana chickens and American Chinchilla Rabbits. We've haven't looked into pigs and ducks as much yet. I am already gardening with heirloom organic seeds (well mostly). We're trying to weed out GMO fruits and veggies. With a large farm that's something we can do. I'm thinking 20-50 acres while Hubby wants over 100. We'll  have to see what we can find but I can not wait. We will wait though since we have to wait and see what happens with Giggles we're not going to leave her with a new foster family while she has to go through visits with her dad. We are even waiting for at least a year after they reunite her so that if he messes up we are still here to be there for her. She loves cows. That's her in the picture below

Cap playing with baby chicks

All 5 of the kiddos on the tire swing.

 See what I mean a farm would be great.

E is for Early Intervention Services

 One nice thing about having foster children they get Early Intervention Services, here in Nevada they go by the acronym NEIS. Of course Moose gets NEIS as well for his speech. So far I have loved all our therapists except one and it wasn't that I disliked her I just didn't love her. Probably because Princess HATED her which led the speech lady to tell me that she thought Princess was possibly retarded and preforming at a 6-12 month level cognitively. She also got Princess signed up for a developmental therapist as well who Princess decided was ok so she talked up a storm. So the tally is:
Moose- Speech Pathologist (well not any more he just turned 3 and aged out since he'll go to preschool)
Giggles- Speech Path, Occupational Therapist, and Developmental Therapist
Princess- Speech Path and Developmental Therapist

 After seeing all the work they do I think I'd like to be an occupational therapist when I grow up, seems like their job consists mainly of watching kids play and helping you learn new ways of dealing with issues. Ours is particularly fun and the kids adore her and get excited when she walks in the door. I know she has a PhD and has tons of training but she looks like she has the easiest job. All three kids have improved dramatically with help from our NEIS team. Its really a good idea if you have concerns about your children to seek out professionals  I believe every state has a similar program. Most of the time they're free or they use your insurance.

D is for Dads

 Today's post is brought to you by the letter D and the number 1. Ha! Now I sound like Sesame Street :) Well I had a few ideas for things that start with D but I thought dads was probably the most important. I think that kids need their daddies. I know there are women out there who do the whole single parenting thing and this is nothing against them, I applaud them for the work they do. I sympathize as I was without my husband more than once for over a year but I can't say I did the single parent thing despite what people think. I didn't have to work and take care of my kids even though my husband was gone (training, deployment and an unaccompanied tour) he was still there. He was providing an income and health insurance but he was also there as emotional support. I knew that even though it felt like I was alone, I wasn't.

 I think dads are vitally important for children as they grow up. For boys their dads are their role models on what it means to be a man, how to treat women and how involved they should be in the family. With out a good dad to mimic they go off what they see on tv. I don't know about you but I don't think I'd want to be married to many of the men portrayed on tv shows. For girls their dad's are the ones who first establish their self esteem, teach them how men are supposed to treat them and of course are the ones they can always count on to protect them. If your father made you feel worthless as a child its a pretty safe bet that that's still how you see yourself. A lot of people work to overcome those kinds of feeling but impact our father's have on us is amazing.

 I was blessed with a wonderful dad. I thought he hung the moon and the stars and he still calls me princess. I   know I can go to him for anything and he'll be there. While at the same time I have friends who had father's who hurt them and molested them. I can't even wrap my mind around the concept of not having your dad as a safety net. You can see how it colors their perceptions about their husbands even though they say they trust them there is that doubt still.

 My husband is a wonderful father and the best husband in the whole world. He makes mistakes and can't handle crying like I can but he is rock solid for the kids. Its because of him that my boys are extremely polite to women; they open doors for them and carry in groceries. They believe women (especially little girls) need to be protected but not in an overbearing chauvinistic type of way. Cap has gotten in trouble at school for punching a child that made a little girl cry by pushing her over. Legoman isn't quite as hands on but the times he runs into crying female figures he comforts them and either goes and gets an adult or brings them flowers. They're sweetness is all because of the incredible sweetness they've gotten from their father.

  He even has helped with some of the girls we've had through the house. Angel, for example, had been abused and molested by her father. She had pretty severe PTSD and anxiety when she first got here especially around men. When she left here she no longer flinched from men in the stores and actually was able to talk to men (if she had someone there she trusted). Angel even asked my husband to go with her to court when she had to testify in front of her father. Princess is such a daddy's girl. She adores my husband and screams daddy when he pulls up and runs into his arms as soon as he walks in the door. If he says no to either Princess or Giggles they burst into tears. They even listen to him way more than me because they just want him to be happy with them. So be thankful for those good dads out there, they're pretty important.

C is for the Captain

 So if you've read any of my blog posts you know I have 3 boys Legoman, Captain (Cap or Cap'n) and Moose. My sweet middle boy has the nickname Cap as in Captain America his favorite superhero of all time. It fits him too since he is smaller than all the other kids in his grade but is the toughest little guy I know. I think he probably has more muscle than most kids his age, his chest is bigger than his older brother's. When they wrestle he can more than hold his own against his brother who's 2 1/2 years older than him. At the same time he is the first to protect anyone who he thinks needs it; whether its me or a little girl on the playground who tripped while playing.

 Cap can't wait for foot ball season to start up. He's dying to play now that he's finally 5 and old enough to do so. I think he's the most athletically gifted person in the family (although that's not really saying much). He has had an amazingly accurate aim when throwing ever since he was 9 months and the coordination to catch a ball before he turned a year. While he doesn't love school he's already told me he's going to college with a scholarship for football.

 When he started school this year he was in the 'slower' group and now he has graduated to the advanced groups in his kindergarten class. His teacher was singing his praises at the last parent teacher conference. This year he learned to read and even though its still hard for him he never gives up and plugs through Dr. Seuss and still tells me he liked the story. Even his writing has gone from barely legible to neater than Legoman's.

 I love my sweet Cap'n who has my eyes and is the first child that looked like me. Even though he's stuck in the middle he makes himself heard and I love hanging out with him.

B is for BOYS!

 So I kind of looked back on my older posts and realized how much it sounded like I didn't appreciate how blessed I was to have such wonderful boys. I love having boys, yes I am on a quest to add some pink into the equation but there are so many things I love about having boys. When I first got pregnant I wanted a boy, I knew he was a boy and I was thrilled.

5 Reasons Boys are Great

 Reason #1- Boys always have a soft spot for their when they're teens. I know I was a horrible person to my mom when I was growing up and hit that teenage time but my brothers adored their mom and even my mom through their teen years and even now. (Technically they're my half brothers but that's a story for another day).

 Reason #2- My boys have the most amazing caring souls. If I'm sad they're right there to cheer me up, if I'm scared they're pulling out the nerf guns and fists to protect me and they tell me how pretty I am at least once a day.

 Reason #3- I never have to squish a spider again. I call the Captain and he's right there to protect me from the potentially poisonous spider or take the defiantly safe spider outside.

 Reason #4- Grocery carriers. Even my little 3 year old Moose makes it a priority to help carry them in while the girls immediately want to go into the house and play with their toys.

 Reason #5- They always want to snuggle with me whether they're covered in dirt or freshly cleaned from a bath they are always in the mood to snuggle with their momma.

So if sometimes it seems like I am fixated on barbies and ballet shoes please realize that I'm not unhappy with my boys. I am a bit more into girly things so having someone to do all those things with appeals to me but for my boys I've learned about football, started camping and taught someone how to pee standing up. I adore my boys and wouldn't trade them for anything.

A is for Adoption

 First day of my A-Z blogging challenge  Since this is a blog about my life and currently one of the biggest things in my life is trying to adopt my daughter I thought what better word to use for A than adoption. When I first started out on the whole crazy roller coaster that is foster care I started out with one goal in mind and that was adoption. Sure I also loved the idea of helping kids who needed a place while their parents got things back under control but I really wanted a little girl that would be mine forever. We seem to slowly be making our way towards adoption of Princess but nothing is ever sure until the paperwork is all signed. To me there is something amazingly special about the act of adoption. Its so different than birthing a biological child.

  First off of course is that there is so much more paperwork. I thought the birth plan we had to fill out and the hospital addition paperwork was a lot. Well now I know different. First we had to fill out our first packet of paperwork for foster care. It had basic information about us, copies of official documents and of course back ground check paperwork that we had to drop off at the sheriff's department. Then the HUGE binder full of rules regarding foster care, federal and state guidelines. Then the home study paperwork, of course we didn't have to fill all of it but we had to spend hours answering questions with our licensing worker as she filled them out. Then there is the monthly paperwork we have to fill out like the health surveys and such. Now the social worker is putting together Princess' adoption packet which means I get to fill out more information for the social worker which she laughingly told me I would get back at the disclosure meeting.

 The other thing that is so different with adoption is the constant need to prove that you love this child as much as your biological children, not more to the point that your biological children feel jealous but just the same. When my first son was born I never thought I could love anyone as much as I loved him. It was so different from any other feeling I'd ever experienced. I was terrified throughout my second pregnancy because I thought there was no way I could ever love someone as much as I love my son. No way it would be possible especially since I knew it was another boy. I was sure that I would be a failure as a mother to this other child. Nope I loved him just as much. With my Moose, my THIRD boy I wasn't terrified but there was still that nagging fear of how can I love another child as much. My mind kept saying how much I wished he was a girl and that if he'd been a girl there would be no worries but another boy? What if my disappointment caused me not to love him as much? Well I can honestly say that isn't a problem. Sometimes I wonder if he isn't way more spoiled than his older brothers.

 Then we decided to adopt and crazy people we were decided to use the foster system to find our daughter. We didn't really want a baby although to be honest I was hoping she'd be a toddler so we'd get to experience those first and so that we wouldn't be so worried about past trauma being remembered. I also worried about loving foster children, they are children they need to feel loved and safe whether they're here forever or just a week. Could I possibly love someone else's child? Especially one that I knew would only be with us short time or one that had so many needs because of past trauma. Our first two girls came and while it was a bit awkward at first telling them I loved them at bedtime, the awkwardness didn't last long. Socialite went to another foster home because we just couldn't meet her needs. While Angel stayed with us 6 months and we helped her transition into her adoptive home. It was hard to see her go because yes we loved her but we knew this other family was so much better for her and both hubby and I knew she wasn't ours. The two babies we had were under one and I think it is easy to love on babies. There was no challenge to love the babies until one went to his aunts while the other went to her dad. It was good to see them go since we knew it was to good situations and was in the best interest of the children. Hulk and Brighteyes were pretty hard, they were the only ones we've had who cried and wanted their mommy and daddy. Every night they were here they cried for their parents. I would hold them and rock them, we called their parents almost every night. I have never been so happy to see kids go home. We went to their parent's wedding and they sent me emails letting me know how things were going after. Giggles is so easy to love, I'm already dreading her leaving (of course it wouldn't be a problem if I knew she was going to a safe, stable home). And then there's our little Princess. It was a unique situation with her, before she even got here we knew that she was a potential adoptive placement. The social worker let us know that she was pretty sure that that's where it was heading. I think with her I was completely in love with her before she even got here. Now that she's been here six months I think I can safely say I love her as much as I love my boys.

Blogging A-Z challenge

 So I am going to try this A-Z Challenge.  Everyday (except Sundays) you post a new post following the alphabet as you go. You know 1st day is A, 2nd is B and so on and so forth. So I'll get to try and come up with topics that in some way relate to the letter of the day. It sounds like fun to me and maybe it'll help me remember to post daily and develop good posting habits.
 Try some of these other great blogs

Woohoo!

 Well Princess' mom voluntarily signed over her rights. So technically now she should be completely legally free and we should be able to smoothly go to adoption right? NOPE. Even though her dad signed over his rights a couple months ago while answering some of the social worker's questions on family history he mentioned that his grandma may have been Native American. Fart! Now the social worker is sending off letters to all the tribe to see if any of them have information on Princess' great grandma. She said it take a week but last time she did it it took about a month and she had to call the stragglers. So now we get to wait and hope. I really don't want to deal with ICWA laws, I know why they're in place and I understand wanting to keep children where they can learn about their heritage. It just annoys me in this case because she has never been exposed to any Native American culture, seriously she's probably learned more about it at our house. Gotta love the foster system.

Homework sucks

 So much for updating everyday, huh? I've also been trying to clean up every night so my poor hubby can walk into a clean house when he gets home after midnight. Oh and I have been trying to do a load of laundry a day, not just throw it in the washer and dryer oh no no but actually fold it and put it away. That's the part I hate and lately my laundry pile of stuff to fold and put away has been trying to take over my life so the best way to handle that is to only do 1 load but do everything. It works but it is a pain in the rear.

 Know what else is a pain? Kindergarten homework. Seriously I hate it with a passion. With Legoman it was so easy. I only had 3 kids and Moose was tiny and slept a lot. Now I have 3 under 3 running around while I'm trying to help Cap. I know Cap isn't stupid but he will try to convince you that he is while doing homework. Sometimes I feel like stabbing myself in the head with the pencil while trying to help him. Wow that sounds horrible out loud- er typed. You mom's know what I mean though right? Dad's too if they have time to help (although Hubby has exceptional patience with Cap during homework time). I try hard to stay positive but its harder than it should be and I find myself snapping at the littles as Cap and I try to plow through.

 On a positive note we get to see the girl's social worker tomorrow. I know a lot of foster parents that don't like to see the kids' workers but I love it. Basically we sit down she lets me know anything new in the case or anything I need to know about while I get to tell her how great the kids are doing. Unless they're not but both girls are awesome and growing so fast. Giggles is talking SOOOOO much now, not sure when it happened that she started talking more than anyone in the house but she is certainly there now. Princess is talking a lot now too and starting to get pushy with the other kids. I'm glad to see her standing up for herself and it makes me laugh when she stamps her foot in frustration when the older two don't listen to her.

 This last week we went on a trip and got to see a lot of family I haven't seen in a long time. While that sounds great the reason for the trip was sad, my aunt passed away. She was only 62 which really isn't old especially for my mom's side of the family where people seem to live into their 100's regularly. We got to hear some nice stories about her but it was weird for me. We weren't close and I didn't know her that well but it really seemed like there were two of her. One was my cool fun aunt that was always so pretty and I wanted to be just like and then there was this mean lady that was mad at everyone. It made me feel bad for her daughters who are some of my favorite family members. They also made the comment that there were two different mom's they remember. I guess now I can see that my aunt was bi polar. Apparently it runs in my family but no one really wants to get that official diagnosis because then they're labeled. My mom said she was officially diagnosed awhile back but she kept it hidden. Makes me wonder though if she had let the family know, the support and someone making sure she took her meds would that have made us have had better memories. Ones that weren't as tarnished as the ones I have.

Wow this is getting depressing apparently I need to go to bed.