D is for Dads

 Today's post is brought to you by the letter D and the number 1. Ha! Now I sound like Sesame Street :) Well I had a few ideas for things that start with D but I thought dads was probably the most important. I think that kids need their daddies. I know there are women out there who do the whole single parenting thing and this is nothing against them, I applaud them for the work they do. I sympathize as I was without my husband more than once for over a year but I can't say I did the single parent thing despite what people think. I didn't have to work and take care of my kids even though my husband was gone (training, deployment and an unaccompanied tour) he was still there. He was providing an income and health insurance but he was also there as emotional support. I knew that even though it felt like I was alone, I wasn't.

 I think dads are vitally important for children as they grow up. For boys their dads are their role models on what it means to be a man, how to treat women and how involved they should be in the family. With out a good dad to mimic they go off what they see on tv. I don't know about you but I don't think I'd want to be married to many of the men portrayed on tv shows. For girls their dad's are the ones who first establish their self esteem, teach them how men are supposed to treat them and of course are the ones they can always count on to protect them. If your father made you feel worthless as a child its a pretty safe bet that that's still how you see yourself. A lot of people work to overcome those kinds of feeling but impact our father's have on us is amazing.

 I was blessed with a wonderful dad. I thought he hung the moon and the stars and he still calls me princess. I   know I can go to him for anything and he'll be there. While at the same time I have friends who had father's who hurt them and molested them. I can't even wrap my mind around the concept of not having your dad as a safety net. You can see how it colors their perceptions about their husbands even though they say they trust them there is that doubt still.

 My husband is a wonderful father and the best husband in the whole world. He makes mistakes and can't handle crying like I can but he is rock solid for the kids. Its because of him that my boys are extremely polite to women; they open doors for them and carry in groceries. They believe women (especially little girls) need to be protected but not in an overbearing chauvinistic type of way. Cap has gotten in trouble at school for punching a child that made a little girl cry by pushing her over. Legoman isn't quite as hands on but the times he runs into crying female figures he comforts them and either goes and gets an adult or brings them flowers. They're sweetness is all because of the incredible sweetness they've gotten from their father.

  He even has helped with some of the girls we've had through the house. Angel, for example, had been abused and molested by her father. She had pretty severe PTSD and anxiety when she first got here especially around men. When she left here she no longer flinched from men in the stores and actually was able to talk to men (if she had someone there she trusted). Angel even asked my husband to go with her to court when she had to testify in front of her father. Princess is such a daddy's girl. She adores my husband and screams daddy when he pulls up and runs into his arms as soon as he walks in the door. If he says no to either Princess or Giggles they burst into tears. They even listen to him way more than me because they just want him to be happy with them. So be thankful for those good dads out there, they're pretty important.

C is for the Captain

 So if you've read any of my blog posts you know I have 3 boys Legoman, Captain (Cap or Cap'n) and Moose. My sweet middle boy has the nickname Cap as in Captain America his favorite superhero of all time. It fits him too since he is smaller than all the other kids in his grade but is the toughest little guy I know. I think he probably has more muscle than most kids his age, his chest is bigger than his older brother's. When they wrestle he can more than hold his own against his brother who's 2 1/2 years older than him. At the same time he is the first to protect anyone who he thinks needs it; whether its me or a little girl on the playground who tripped while playing.

 Cap can't wait for foot ball season to start up. He's dying to play now that he's finally 5 and old enough to do so. I think he's the most athletically gifted person in the family (although that's not really saying much). He has had an amazingly accurate aim when throwing ever since he was 9 months and the coordination to catch a ball before he turned a year. While he doesn't love school he's already told me he's going to college with a scholarship for football.

 When he started school this year he was in the 'slower' group and now he has graduated to the advanced groups in his kindergarten class. His teacher was singing his praises at the last parent teacher conference. This year he learned to read and even though its still hard for him he never gives up and plugs through Dr. Seuss and still tells me he liked the story. Even his writing has gone from barely legible to neater than Legoman's.

 I love my sweet Cap'n who has my eyes and is the first child that looked like me. Even though he's stuck in the middle he makes himself heard and I love hanging out with him.

B is for BOYS!

 So I kind of looked back on my older posts and realized how much it sounded like I didn't appreciate how blessed I was to have such wonderful boys. I love having boys, yes I am on a quest to add some pink into the equation but there are so many things I love about having boys. When I first got pregnant I wanted a boy, I knew he was a boy and I was thrilled.

5 Reasons Boys are Great

 Reason #1- Boys always have a soft spot for their when they're teens. I know I was a horrible person to my mom when I was growing up and hit that teenage time but my brothers adored their mom and even my mom through their teen years and even now. (Technically they're my half brothers but that's a story for another day).

 Reason #2- My boys have the most amazing caring souls. If I'm sad they're right there to cheer me up, if I'm scared they're pulling out the nerf guns and fists to protect me and they tell me how pretty I am at least once a day.

 Reason #3- I never have to squish a spider again. I call the Captain and he's right there to protect me from the potentially poisonous spider or take the defiantly safe spider outside.

 Reason #4- Grocery carriers. Even my little 3 year old Moose makes it a priority to help carry them in while the girls immediately want to go into the house and play with their toys.

 Reason #5- They always want to snuggle with me whether they're covered in dirt or freshly cleaned from a bath they are always in the mood to snuggle with their momma.

So if sometimes it seems like I am fixated on barbies and ballet shoes please realize that I'm not unhappy with my boys. I am a bit more into girly things so having someone to do all those things with appeals to me but for my boys I've learned about football, started camping and taught someone how to pee standing up. I adore my boys and wouldn't trade them for anything.

A is for Adoption

 First day of my A-Z blogging challenge  Since this is a blog about my life and currently one of the biggest things in my life is trying to adopt my daughter I thought what better word to use for A than adoption. When I first started out on the whole crazy roller coaster that is foster care I started out with one goal in mind and that was adoption. Sure I also loved the idea of helping kids who needed a place while their parents got things back under control but I really wanted a little girl that would be mine forever. We seem to slowly be making our way towards adoption of Princess but nothing is ever sure until the paperwork is all signed. To me there is something amazingly special about the act of adoption. Its so different than birthing a biological child.

  First off of course is that there is so much more paperwork. I thought the birth plan we had to fill out and the hospital addition paperwork was a lot. Well now I know different. First we had to fill out our first packet of paperwork for foster care. It had basic information about us, copies of official documents and of course back ground check paperwork that we had to drop off at the sheriff's department. Then the HUGE binder full of rules regarding foster care, federal and state guidelines. Then the home study paperwork, of course we didn't have to fill all of it but we had to spend hours answering questions with our licensing worker as she filled them out. Then there is the monthly paperwork we have to fill out like the health surveys and such. Now the social worker is putting together Princess' adoption packet which means I get to fill out more information for the social worker which she laughingly told me I would get back at the disclosure meeting.

 The other thing that is so different with adoption is the constant need to prove that you love this child as much as your biological children, not more to the point that your biological children feel jealous but just the same. When my first son was born I never thought I could love anyone as much as I loved him. It was so different from any other feeling I'd ever experienced. I was terrified throughout my second pregnancy because I thought there was no way I could ever love someone as much as I love my son. No way it would be possible especially since I knew it was another boy. I was sure that I would be a failure as a mother to this other child. Nope I loved him just as much. With my Moose, my THIRD boy I wasn't terrified but there was still that nagging fear of how can I love another child as much. My mind kept saying how much I wished he was a girl and that if he'd been a girl there would be no worries but another boy? What if my disappointment caused me not to love him as much? Well I can honestly say that isn't a problem. Sometimes I wonder if he isn't way more spoiled than his older brothers.

 Then we decided to adopt and crazy people we were decided to use the foster system to find our daughter. We didn't really want a baby although to be honest I was hoping she'd be a toddler so we'd get to experience those first and so that we wouldn't be so worried about past trauma being remembered. I also worried about loving foster children, they are children they need to feel loved and safe whether they're here forever or just a week. Could I possibly love someone else's child? Especially one that I knew would only be with us short time or one that had so many needs because of past trauma. Our first two girls came and while it was a bit awkward at first telling them I loved them at bedtime, the awkwardness didn't last long. Socialite went to another foster home because we just couldn't meet her needs. While Angel stayed with us 6 months and we helped her transition into her adoptive home. It was hard to see her go because yes we loved her but we knew this other family was so much better for her and both hubby and I knew she wasn't ours. The two babies we had were under one and I think it is easy to love on babies. There was no challenge to love the babies until one went to his aunts while the other went to her dad. It was good to see them go since we knew it was to good situations and was in the best interest of the children. Hulk and Brighteyes were pretty hard, they were the only ones we've had who cried and wanted their mommy and daddy. Every night they were here they cried for their parents. I would hold them and rock them, we called their parents almost every night. I have never been so happy to see kids go home. We went to their parent's wedding and they sent me emails letting me know how things were going after. Giggles is so easy to love, I'm already dreading her leaving (of course it wouldn't be a problem if I knew she was going to a safe, stable home). And then there's our little Princess. It was a unique situation with her, before she even got here we knew that she was a potential adoptive placement. The social worker let us know that she was pretty sure that that's where it was heading. I think with her I was completely in love with her before she even got here. Now that she's been here six months I think I can safely say I love her as much as I love my boys.

Blogging A-Z challenge

 So I am going to try this A-Z Challenge.  Everyday (except Sundays) you post a new post following the alphabet as you go. You know 1st day is A, 2nd is B and so on and so forth. So I'll get to try and come up with topics that in some way relate to the letter of the day. It sounds like fun to me and maybe it'll help me remember to post daily and develop good posting habits.
 Try some of these other great blogs

Woohoo!

 Well Princess' mom voluntarily signed over her rights. So technically now she should be completely legally free and we should be able to smoothly go to adoption right? NOPE. Even though her dad signed over his rights a couple months ago while answering some of the social worker's questions on family history he mentioned that his grandma may have been Native American. Fart! Now the social worker is sending off letters to all the tribe to see if any of them have information on Princess' great grandma. She said it take a week but last time she did it it took about a month and she had to call the stragglers. So now we get to wait and hope. I really don't want to deal with ICWA laws, I know why they're in place and I understand wanting to keep children where they can learn about their heritage. It just annoys me in this case because she has never been exposed to any Native American culture, seriously she's probably learned more about it at our house. Gotta love the foster system.

Homework sucks

 So much for updating everyday, huh? I've also been trying to clean up every night so my poor hubby can walk into a clean house when he gets home after midnight. Oh and I have been trying to do a load of laundry a day, not just throw it in the washer and dryer oh no no but actually fold it and put it away. That's the part I hate and lately my laundry pile of stuff to fold and put away has been trying to take over my life so the best way to handle that is to only do 1 load but do everything. It works but it is a pain in the rear.

 Know what else is a pain? Kindergarten homework. Seriously I hate it with a passion. With Legoman it was so easy. I only had 3 kids and Moose was tiny and slept a lot. Now I have 3 under 3 running around while I'm trying to help Cap. I know Cap isn't stupid but he will try to convince you that he is while doing homework. Sometimes I feel like stabbing myself in the head with the pencil while trying to help him. Wow that sounds horrible out loud- er typed. You mom's know what I mean though right? Dad's too if they have time to help (although Hubby has exceptional patience with Cap during homework time). I try hard to stay positive but its harder than it should be and I find myself snapping at the littles as Cap and I try to plow through.

 On a positive note we get to see the girl's social worker tomorrow. I know a lot of foster parents that don't like to see the kids' workers but I love it. Basically we sit down she lets me know anything new in the case or anything I need to know about while I get to tell her how great the kids are doing. Unless they're not but both girls are awesome and growing so fast. Giggles is talking SOOOOO much now, not sure when it happened that she started talking more than anyone in the house but she is certainly there now. Princess is talking a lot now too and starting to get pushy with the other kids. I'm glad to see her standing up for herself and it makes me laugh when she stamps her foot in frustration when the older two don't listen to her.

 This last week we went on a trip and got to see a lot of family I haven't seen in a long time. While that sounds great the reason for the trip was sad, my aunt passed away. She was only 62 which really isn't old especially for my mom's side of the family where people seem to live into their 100's regularly. We got to hear some nice stories about her but it was weird for me. We weren't close and I didn't know her that well but it really seemed like there were two of her. One was my cool fun aunt that was always so pretty and I wanted to be just like and then there was this mean lady that was mad at everyone. It made me feel bad for her daughters who are some of my favorite family members. They also made the comment that there were two different mom's they remember. I guess now I can see that my aunt was bi polar. Apparently it runs in my family but no one really wants to get that official diagnosis because then they're labeled. My mom said she was officially diagnosed awhile back but she kept it hidden. Makes me wonder though if she had let the family know, the support and someone making sure she took her meds would that have made us have had better memories. Ones that weren't as tarnished as the ones I have.

Wow this is getting depressing apparently I need to go to bed.