Another Princess Post

 So we finally got all the ICWA stuff back and nope she isn't considered Native American. So yay for that. Hubby and I both assumed that would mean everything would move super fast since everything is done. Well case worker sent me an email and let me know she'd be sending the paperwork over to adoptions this week. I asked her if that meant it should be all done in a couple months. Her response was 'oh no it'll probably take 5-6 months'. Needless to say we were pretty shocked, I mean everything is done. Really what do they have to do?

 Later that week when I took my big boys to the 4th of July festivities that our town puts on (all the littles were taking naps) I happened to run into our supervisor. She also let me know that our paper work was going to adoptions next week and to expect a call from an adoptions worker. I let her know that our case worker had already let us know but that I figured it would take them longer to call since we were told 6-6 months. She laughed and said no way would that happen it would probably be 3 months TOPS. Nice bit of news and another reminder of why I love living in a small town.

 We also set up a visit for Princess with her mom in August. She's been having a hard time with her decision and everything so when she asked if it would maybe be possible for a visit this summer if we're not to busy please of course I told her yes. She was the one who turned down regular visits we told her we weren't opposed to them. We're going to meet her at the river and hang out, we might camp there that night. Its kind of awkward because she keeps thanking us for giving Princess a better life than she could have. I'm still not sure how to respond to that. We try? Thank you?

 That's it for now because the Princess herself is demanding more milk, not water. Now please.

Happy 4th of July

 Nothing much new here just the same ol' craziness. Happy 4th of July everyone.

Checking in

 So yeah, I completely failed at the A-Z challenge. I could blame the fact that the last couple days we were in frantic party planning mode for Princess and we were camping but no excuses. Oh well I'll try next year.

 So the party went pretty well other than the wind. I should know that we live in a windy area and really decorations either need to be super sturdy or held down really well but apparently that didn't enter my mind. By the end of the day most of the decorations had blown down and we kept sending kids after them and just throwing them away. It was sad for me since I LOVE decorating for parties and they were glittery flower, seriously who could not love those?

 Our whole clan was at the party of course but so was Princess' former foster family, her birth mom and one of my favorite families. I think all the kids had fun. They dumped water out and played with mud in the middle of the campsite and filled up on more sugar then I let them eat in a couple months. After everyone left we hiked down to the river where the kids and hubby stripped down to diapers and undies and played in the water. I just put my feet in and that's when I realized how burned the tops of my feet were. Then we got a good look at all our kiddos and realized that they were burned too despite the fact I had put on sunscreen every 2 hours. Giggles and Cap were the worst. We decided that with burned kids and parents maybe spending the night would be a bad idea. So we loaded up and headed home. I am happy to report that with aloe and after sun lotion most of the burns were gone by morning. Princess got and amazing tan and hers never looked like a burn. Moose and Legoman were a little red across the nose and cheeks. Giggles had the brightest red arms and Cap was slightly red across the nose, cheeks and backs of his legs.

 The part went better than expected, I wasn't sure how birth mom would feel. It was a little awkward but not as bad as I thought it would be plus we got a chance to talk about things that we'd kind of been staying away from. Like she was concerned I was changing Princess' name and I told her the only thing we'd be changing would be the last name. She was worried about how Hubby's and my parents were going to treat her. That was easy to reassure her about because they've all met her and Hub's dad is completely wrapped. It was nice. :)

W is for waiting

Waiting is the main theme of foster care and adoption. First you wait for them to process your initial application and wait for the fingerprints and background checks to come back. Then you wait for the next set of classes to start. The wait for you final application to process. Wait for home visits so the can put together your homestudy then wait for it to be approved. Finally you get your license in the mail and you should be done waiting right? WRONG you get to wait for a placement, we got one pretty quick. I think it was the 4th day after being official that we got a call and on the 6th day Angel and Socialite moved in. Then you wait to see what their case plan is. Both girls were fairly straight foreward cases and we've been lucky to have case workers who make pretty accurate predictions about whats going to happen. Of course there's the waiting for court, court decisions and reunification to happen. Also in the back of your mind your waiting for them to go home so you can find your forever child.

 Then adoption waiting comes. Wait for the tpr/relinquishment to go through and then wait the 30 days (or whatever it is in your state) for the appeal time to be over. Then wait for the HART matching to be done and the the adoption packet to be done. In Princess' case we get to wait for information to come back from all the tribes to see if her great grandmother was Native American or not. Wait for the information to be sent to the lawyer and wait for the lawyer to look it over and approve it. Then wait for a court date and finally the adoption is finally finalized and there's no backsies. We're mostly done with Princess' but the wait is slowly killing me.

 Also Princess' birthday is today! She is 2 and tomorrow we get to go camp and celebrate with her former foster mom, birth mom and some close friends. Can't wait!

V is for Veteran

 Thank a veteran when you get a chance. I've heard people tell me how easy we have it with hubs in the military and its hard not to laugh or get offended. Right now besides working 8-12 hour days he has to fit in 3 times a week an hour of working out as well as starting up physical therapy for his knees. On top of all this he's being told he doesn't volunteer enough. He's done security for concerts/events, Navy ball committee (meetings 2 times a week plus fundraising on weekends) and now he is coaching children on the weekend (not ours because foster care doens't count as volunteering apparently).  The idea that he is on shore duty and how much easier my life is just makes me laugh. I've been through a 6 month deployment,  a year long training session and a year long TDY to Diego Garcia. I feel like its even harder for men and women who know their spouse is in a combat zone so thank a veteran. Don't tell them they have it made because of health insurance or something stupid.

U is for unloved and unwanted

 A lot of foster kids, especially the older ones how understand whats going on feel like they're unworthy of love. Children between the ages of 1-5 make up 54.3% of adoptions while over the age of 11 only makes up 17.2% of adoptions. You can see the Statisics here. The most recent survey I could find says that there has been a decline of children waiting to be adopted, down to 61,000 that seems like way too many for me. I can not imagine what it would be like at 10 to not have a permanent home and to know the chance of me being adopted is extremely slim and in fact defies the odds (slightly less though since I'm female). Now imagine at 10 having to decide if you want to be placed without your brother, your only family left because he's 16 and no one will adopt you both.

 People wonder why children who age out of the foster system are so much more likely to do drugs or end up in jail. I think its because they feel worthless, no one wanted them and of course they have no support system when they're out. When I moved out of my parents house I had them to call and rely on if something happened. I can't imagine basically just being sent out with a trash bag full of my belongings.

 My heart hurts for the waiting children. We are even falling into the category of people that adopt children under 5. We are for birth order purposes and because she was the one they brought. We were open to a child up to 7 but it just didn't happen. If you're thinking about adoption consider an older child.

The Adoption Exchange
Adopt Us Kids
A family for Every Child
Heart Gallery 

T is for TPR

 TPR or termination of parental rights is the death sentence of children's court. Basically the judge rules that one or both of the parents are not safe/capable of raising the child and the rights are forcibly terminated. This is worse than a voluntary termination because it is proof further down the line that you were considered an unfit parent and it makes you more likely to lose any future children. I have heard some cases where they didn't remove future children at birth but I have heard of cases where they did, I think it really has to do with your state and reason for TPR.

 We have only had to watch the TPR process happen once. That was with Angel. Her case was drawn out and somewhat scary because we knew how much was at stake. First there was the criminal trial and we had to help Angel prepare to testify. Since we're in a small town we don't have the equipment for her testimony to be video taped and shown in court she was going to have to testify in front of her father. The father who abused her sexually, physically and emotionally. She asked my husband if he could go up with her and we got permission, the therapist suggested my husband use his body to block her view of her father so he would be unable to intimidate her. Luckily her dad took a plea bargain and plead down from abuse to neglect. Not as much jail time (was supposed to be a year and he was only in 3 weeks) but she didn't have to testify. Then he decided to fight for her and get her back. We were so nervous because according to his criminal case it showed he was 'only' neglectful. Happily he didn't show and the judge said 'well apparently this isn't important to him' but went through the whole trial process and ruled termination. It was such a relief to be there with Miss L who was desperate to adopt Angel. I'm happy to report that Angel is doing AMAZING, no more accidents, flinching from men, or dissociation type of episodes oh and I swear she's grown a couple of feet.

 I'm glad they didn't have to TPR on Princess' mom. She did it voluntarily which means down the road if she gets her life together she'll get another chance to parent. Plus it keeps it more pleasant for trying to set up visits with us down the road because it doesn't feel like we stole her daughter.