Home Inspection Day

  We are officially relicensed for another year of foster care. For some reason every time we get ready to relicense our  home I go into panic mode. Is our house clean enough? Do those bags under my eyes make me look like an insane person? Then every time we meet with our licensing person and its easy, she even answers any question I'm afraid to ask case workers. Plus sometimes she even lets me know more about cases/rumors and puts my fears at ease. She really is one of my favorite people who work at the child welfare office. 

 We're also preparing for another placement. Only a couple days, we're doing respite for another foster parent. The one that had Princess before she was placed here. We get to have 2 little girls for 5 days. A 3 year old, we'll call her Sparkles, and a little one who is going to be 2 soon, we'll call her Snuggles. Hopefully we'll also be getting their little sister from the hospital ANY DAY now! Although to be honest I hope that we don't get the call for the baby until the girls are back with their other foster mom... 7 kids might be a bit much for me. 

 I am so excited to maybe get a baby but I keep telling myself not to buy anything. Nothing. Nada. Zip. Last time we thought we were getting a baby I went out and I bought some stuff and then we didn't get her. I was crushed even though I knew it was better for her to go to family instead of having to be moved later. I have since decided that buying things before hand is a jinx. I will instead have to run out and get stuff if/when I get the call. 

An Ah-Ha Moment

 Over the last few weeks I've been worried that we were on the sh*t list with the foster care workers. No calls in over a month and then no placements since May?! Oh my goodness someone must be mad! First I emailed a supervisor that I feel we know pretty well asking if its just been slow or something else is up. I didn't get a response. That of course is what sent me into panic thinking that we'd done something wrong or made someone mad. No I didn't bother looking over facts in my head like: She may be busy. We are constantly told by social workers how much they love our family. We always try are best to help the social workers and don't talk about anyone behind their backs.

 After a week of no response I was going crazy. Seriously asking Hubs if he'd said something when he dropped off paperwork. If he had done something wrong like beat a kid in public. (Hey I said I was crazy, ok? My mind wasn't thinking straight.) Finally he said to email someone else because the supervisor is probably busy and our email probably got buried and its not a big deal. Ever the voice of reason my Hubs. Following his advice I emailed our licensing worker. I don't know if I've ever mentioned this before but I love our licensing worker. She responds quickly and seems to know the answer to any question and if she doesn't she will find out the answer and get back to you.

  I got her email back almost first thing the next morning since I sent my letter in later in the afternoon I expected that. She said that it looked like we were on the list wrong. We were on there as only respite and emergency care. Then she proceeded to add us as long and short term care too. Hubs and I later realized we'd gone down to just respite and emergency because we went on vacation in June and didn't want a longer term placement here when we were leaving. Now I feel equal parts relieved and stupid for freaking out.

Soccer, Football and Preschool Oh My!

 So Bug and Smiles went to dad and grandpa that Tuesday. I think I forgot I had the blog so I didn't update and haven't updated for awhile. The grandpa and dad seemed AMAZING they were wanting to know anything about the girls that I could tell them and kept thanking me which made me feel good. It was one of those reunions (well Bug had never met him so not sure what you'd call it for her) that make you feel good inside. One where you know they are going to love the children and do whatever they can to be good parents. Maybe not perfect but who is?

Super excited for school!

Seriously? What's up with the pirate face?

Whats up with my life now? Well, both my littles are in preschool. Princess is in an early intervention preschool because they say she has social and speech issues. I think she's just shy because at home she talks a ton and is very out going with people she knows well. For now she only goes 2 days a week and the bus picks her up at our door and drops her off at our door. She loves her bus, she gets a sticker for buckling herself in and its almost always the first thing Princess shows me when she steps off the bus. Plus the driver always compliments her outfit and flattery will get you everywhere with Princess. Moose started preschool as well but his was the free preschool that our school district is doing now for 4 year olds. He goes 4 days a week but I have to take him, no bus :(. I made both of their outfits for school and appliqued the first letter of their names on the outfits. I didn't make Moose's shirt but I did make the pants. I made everything of Princess' outfit, including the bow.

Watching for her bus

Done with pictures

  My older boys are homeschooled. We use k12 which is sort of a combination of homeschool and public school. Its considered public school and you don't need to buy any of the curriculum. We also qualify financially to qualify for a computer. They actually sent one for each boy this year since they had online classes at the same time. There is also a teacher my job is to be their 'learning coach' which means I'm basically teaching, grading and doing everything BUT there is another person in charge of helping my kids learn. Their teachers also do online classes, tutoring and answer any questions my boys or I have. She is also the one who gives them their quarterly assignments to make sure they're actually working and occasionally asks for work samples. I love it. There are some issues but most of them are minor in comparison to the benefits. For first day of school this year my big boys wore their pjs.

Legoman, in Christmas jammies

Sleeping in on the 1st day

Captain

Getting to work first thing by playing
some online games

   Both big boys are in sports this year too which is keeping us busy. Legoman started soccer and Captain started football again. This is Cap's 2nd year of football and he has changed so much since last year. He is FAST and focused and determined. Last year he'd get distracted by everything and lost interest while playing. This year he is one of the best on the team (keep in mind I am his mom and maybe a little bias). He is loving it and his coach is loving his new attitude. Legoman is doing pretty well with soccer but he's a bit more interested in socializing with his best friend than putting in his full focus. As long as he's having fun I'm happy.

Absolute Chaos :)

 So we've sort of started adjusting to Bug and Smiles. Since I know they're very temporary to our home I'm basically treating it like an extended play date. Yes my house is a disaster zone, I don't know if you can go two feet in any direction without finding a toy but guess what I don't care. The only thing that has been a serious struggle to keep up with is dishes. 6 plates for 3 meals a day adds up quick and that's just for the kids. I'm trying to not stress about everything though. It doesn't matter if the toys aren't correctly sorted and put away every night. It doesn't matter if Mommy is so exhausted she can't read Sneazy, the Snowman one more time.

 Instead I'm focused more on making things easy for the girls. Yes I'm including Princess in this. Little girl is green with jealousy. She isn't so happy about sharing her toys, I think it'd be easier if there was only one new child to focus on but right now she has two kids who don't understand that taking things out of her hands isn't ok. Bug is being a bit more spoiled than she would if she were a long term placement. We have been rocking and cuddling her till she is almost asleep before putting her to bed. Not a good habit I know but she loves it and I don't see any need to let her cry. Hubs loves it she snuggles with him while he watches tv.

 Yesterday we had to take Smiles earrings out. She pulled one of them out during bath time which let me see how swollen they are. The holes are leaking blood and a greenish pus. She's lucky I didn't get sick. I'm not sure what the rules are but I took the earrings out so I could clean her ears really well and put some triple antibiotic on them. I really don't want to put the earrings back in since her ears are really tender and I had to fight her to clean them. I can't see putting an earring back in a child who's fighting me tooth and nail to keep me away from her ears. Oh and we know how old she is! She's 2, just a month younger than Princess but she's got about 4 inches and 10 pounds on Princess.

 Both girls liked church yesterday. Bug loved being the center of attention with the nursery workers. She was held and focused on pretty much the whole time. Princess didn't like that at all because normally she gets a ton of attention and this time it was less than normal. Then Princess tripped and fell in the mud which was pretty much the end of the world. She spent the rest of the day whining to daddy that her hands were dirty even after they'd been cleaned.

 My boys are pretty much hiding out. Legoman has been hanging out at his friends house, they're going to go see the Lone Ranger today. Cap and Moose have been playing together more than normal. Sometimes they go and play with the big boy legos in the big boy room other times Moose watches Cap play on his Kindle.

Tomorrow we hear from the girls' worker about the plan for moving them. I am kind of glad, its been fun but I am EXHAUSTED. Six kids is way harder than I thought.

TWO new kiddos

 So we're only supposed to be open for one girl 0-12 months. Now we have TWO girls. Bug is 15 months and Smiles is.... well actually we have no idea how old she is 2 or 3 is my guess though. The social worker didn't even know the girls' names. Hopefully she has more information tomorrow when she comes back tomorrow. This is a short term placement, since its a holiday weekend they should be leaving Tuesday.

 Poor things seem to be worn out though. I gave them both baths. Little Bug doesn't have much hair so I was able to get it brushed out pretty easily. Poor smiles though had mats all through her hair. I've never seen kids hair that matted. She kept saying 'ow dat hurt. don hurt my head'. Poor baby she did really well letting me braid it up for the night though. We'll see how everything works tomorrow after they've got a good nights sleep.

Its official, meet our little princess

Everything went smoothly. The adoption was done over the phone. I'm so happy everything is done. She has felt like ours for a long time now so this was just a formality but it still doesn't feel real.

Isn't she the most beautiful little girl ever? After we were done we went out for lunch and got her ears pierced. She'll get a new pair of earrings on the anniversary of every adoption day.

One more week to go!

 The countdown is killing me. Everything is so close to being done but I still have to wait. I don't want to order the adoption announcements and jinx myself. We have an appointment scheduled to pierce her ears that same day. She has been watching videos of kids getting their ear's pierced and she still wants to do it. I tried warning her that it hurts a bit but she seems to think that the kids who cry are just babies. We'll see what she says when she's the one in the chair.

 On another note we are potty training our little Princess. So far its really easy. Like strange easy. I let her pick out some panties and that was all the motivation she needed. My boys I bribed with M&Ms but Princess is good with just getting to wear her panties and being able to flush the toilet. Not sure if I really want her out of diapers for our Disneyland trip but we'll see how it goes.

Well :P

 So while we were waiting for the reschedule to meet Pixie we got and email saying that family had stepped up and they had to take 90 days to consider them and determine if they're an acceptable placement. We're a bit bummed but at the same time better to check out family first instead of after she was placed with an adoptive family.

 I hate hearing that family took so long to step up, I always think I would've been quick to respond if a family member was in care. Of course I have seen a few instances where family didn't even know what was going on. Experienced it myself with one of my cousins, luckily there was another family member closer to the situation and she was there.

 9 more days till we finalize with Princess!

Meeting for Pixie

 So today was our interview and our chance to meet Pixie. Unfortunately, when we got to the office we found out that one of the interviewers was out sick. Sooooo we have to reschedule. Good news is that they will have Pixie there so we'll get to meet her and her current foster family. We also got to chat with her social worker for a bit today. She was super nice and answered a bunch of our questions. Apparently this is pretty much an adoptive placement, not just a flex arrangement like we thought. There is a TPR trial set for next month and I guess there isn't any foreseen issues with it *knock on wood*. I'm excited but cautious because there's other families that they're interviewing so we're certainly not the only ones in the running.

Adoption Date!

 We have an adoption date of January 15th at 9:30. I can not wait. I'm still bummed it's not happening before Christmas but we had issues with a lawyer who kept trying to raise his price and was impossible to contact so we dropped him. Our adoption worker said he knew a great firm if we didn't mind a phone adoption, we don't we just want to get everything finalized ASAP. So he set us up with them and now the adoption (after state refund) will be costing us a whopping total of $30 instead of the $1000 the other guy wanted. They give discounts for special needs adoptions which apparently is what Princess is classified as.

 In other news Giggles will be leaving soon. She will be moving closer to her dad for visits, She now has a diagnosis of RAD and bipolar. He also suspects she has ODD, OCD and ADHD. I actually feel better with the diagnoses, now I feel less like I'm crazy. They told us a month and a half ago they'd be moving her in 2 or 3 weeks. I should have known better. They're still trying to move her before Christmas but I'm not counting on it now and scrambling to get her some equal gifts.

 Oh and some more exciting news. We got an email about a baby (newly turned 1) girl that they're looking for a concurrent family for. I read over her needs and they are all things I feel super easy handling plus she is absolutely adorable. I'm going to call her Pixie since she is tiny for her age and so petite looking. I sent a response not expecting to hear anything back since I feel like I've put in for a ton of children and have gotten few if any responses. Imagine my surprise when they emailed me back in 10 minutes. They approved us for an extra foster care slot in case Giggles is still here and we have a meeting on the 26th. They don't know if Pixie will be there or not since they have to see if the foster family would be able to come the day after Christmas. I am trying to keep from getting excited. I don't want to be disappointed.

 Hubby and I have talked about the what ifs and we're both trying to not get excited. We're both okay not adopting again, in fact Hubs would rather not.... well sort of. We're both used to 5 kids, it'd be strange only having 4. Plus I love the idea of a close sister bond. I am so jealous when I see people that are close to their sisters. My sister and I were almost 6 years apart and we're just now becoming friends. I want Princess to have a sister that she is close to and has that amazing sister bond. Even more so since they would have someone else to talk to about adoption and their feelings on it. On the other hand if Princess were to remain our only girl she will be spoiled rotten and I can afford to spend more on clothes. We love buying girl clothes and have developed a non budget friendly love of Gymboree and Zulilly. So we'll see and I'm going to try to post more.

Met our new adoption worker yesterday

 Yesterday we got to meet our new adoption worker. I have got to say that we already kind of love him. He answered all my silly questions and all my serious ones too. I wasn't really sure what to expect and if anyone out there in internet world is wondering I'll let you know.

 First he came in and we introduced him to everyone and made some small talk. Then he asked us if we had a special day we were hoping to adopt her. Did we want to wait for Christmas or a birthday or something? No ASAP! He laughed and said if we did our paperwork quickly he'd do his and we'd be done before Christmas maybe even Thanksgiving. Its kind of like buying a house lots of paperwork and lots of paperwork for the Realtor (adoption worker). He also went over subsidies and continued medical care and let us know Princess is going to be considered special needs because of her family history. We already knew about the history but it was surprising to me that she's considered special needs when she's perfect. I know maybe I'm biased.

 He also went over the option of changing her name which we don't want to do. New social security number which we DO want to do. Who's allowed at the ceremony, everyone and anyone we want. Getting a lawyer and whats a normal price and what price they'll reimburse. Its so exciting everything is becoming real.

 I also made my appointment with our family friend and amazing photographer to set up Princess' photo session. Ordered her headband to match her dress. Now we just need to go get new shoes.

Finally moving along

Well we've finally been transferred to an adoptions worker which means Princess' old case worker won't be visiting for her any more. We'll still see her for Giggles of course. We get to meet with our new worker next week to go over everything. I am so excited that things are moving along! I asked him if the timeline is still the same 'sometime before Christmas' and he said that everything would definitely be done by Christmas possibly even Thanksgiving!

Soon this little princess will officially be ours :)

Just keep swimming

 So I haven't been posting regularly but then again nothing has really been happening this summer. We've been on multiple camping trips. This one is the all boys trip that my husband took the boys on all by himself but we had a bunch more together.

While the boys were gone we had a special girl weekend with nail painting, princess dress up, Starbucks and a trip to the park.

We didn't go on any big trips this year, mostly because its so hard with Giggles. Next year we have a month long trip planned so that should make up for it. :) 

 Now we're busy prepping to start school on Monday. Giggles starts the following Monday and possibly Moose it just depends on how full they are. Giggles gets in because she is a foster child but we make just a little bit too much for Moose to qualify. They told us if they weren't full though that they would take him as a special circumstance. I'm really hoping they can since he is dying to go to school and will be devastated if Giggles can go and he can't. 

 Oh and we're also prepping for Halloween because I decided I wanted to make costumes this year. We're going with a Star Wars theme. First thing I did was a robe for Moose so he can be Yoda. Still need to hem a sleeve and get/make a belt but I think it looks cute so far.

Another Princess Post

 So we finally got all the ICWA stuff back and nope she isn't considered Native American. So yay for that. Hubby and I both assumed that would mean everything would move super fast since everything is done. Well case worker sent me an email and let me know she'd be sending the paperwork over to adoptions this week. I asked her if that meant it should be all done in a couple months. Her response was 'oh no it'll probably take 5-6 months'. Needless to say we were pretty shocked, I mean everything is done. Really what do they have to do?

 Later that week when I took my big boys to the 4th of July festivities that our town puts on (all the littles were taking naps) I happened to run into our supervisor. She also let me know that our paper work was going to adoptions next week and to expect a call from an adoptions worker. I let her know that our case worker had already let us know but that I figured it would take them longer to call since we were told 6-6 months. She laughed and said no way would that happen it would probably be 3 months TOPS. Nice bit of news and another reminder of why I love living in a small town.

 We also set up a visit for Princess with her mom in August. She's been having a hard time with her decision and everything so when she asked if it would maybe be possible for a visit this summer if we're not to busy please of course I told her yes. She was the one who turned down regular visits we told her we weren't opposed to them. We're going to meet her at the river and hang out, we might camp there that night. Its kind of awkward because she keeps thanking us for giving Princess a better life than she could have. I'm still not sure how to respond to that. We try? Thank you?

 That's it for now because the Princess herself is demanding more milk, not water. Now please.

Happy 4th of July

 Nothing much new here just the same ol' craziness. Happy 4th of July everyone.

Checking in

 So yeah, I completely failed at the A-Z challenge. I could blame the fact that the last couple days we were in frantic party planning mode for Princess and we were camping but no excuses. Oh well I'll try next year.

 So the party went pretty well other than the wind. I should know that we live in a windy area and really decorations either need to be super sturdy or held down really well but apparently that didn't enter my mind. By the end of the day most of the decorations had blown down and we kept sending kids after them and just throwing them away. It was sad for me since I LOVE decorating for parties and they were glittery flower, seriously who could not love those?

 Our whole clan was at the party of course but so was Princess' former foster family, her birth mom and one of my favorite families. I think all the kids had fun. They dumped water out and played with mud in the middle of the campsite and filled up on more sugar then I let them eat in a couple months. After everyone left we hiked down to the river where the kids and hubby stripped down to diapers and undies and played in the water. I just put my feet in and that's when I realized how burned the tops of my feet were. Then we got a good look at all our kiddos and realized that they were burned too despite the fact I had put on sunscreen every 2 hours. Giggles and Cap were the worst. We decided that with burned kids and parents maybe spending the night would be a bad idea. So we loaded up and headed home. I am happy to report that with aloe and after sun lotion most of the burns were gone by morning. Princess got and amazing tan and hers never looked like a burn. Moose and Legoman were a little red across the nose and cheeks. Giggles had the brightest red arms and Cap was slightly red across the nose, cheeks and backs of his legs.

 The part went better than expected, I wasn't sure how birth mom would feel. It was a little awkward but not as bad as I thought it would be plus we got a chance to talk about things that we'd kind of been staying away from. Like she was concerned I was changing Princess' name and I told her the only thing we'd be changing would be the last name. She was worried about how Hubby's and my parents were going to treat her. That was easy to reassure her about because they've all met her and Hub's dad is completely wrapped. It was nice. :)

W is for waiting

Waiting is the main theme of foster care and adoption. First you wait for them to process your initial application and wait for the fingerprints and background checks to come back. Then you wait for the next set of classes to start. The wait for you final application to process. Wait for home visits so the can put together your homestudy then wait for it to be approved. Finally you get your license in the mail and you should be done waiting right? WRONG you get to wait for a placement, we got one pretty quick. I think it was the 4th day after being official that we got a call and on the 6th day Angel and Socialite moved in. Then you wait to see what their case plan is. Both girls were fairly straight foreward cases and we've been lucky to have case workers who make pretty accurate predictions about whats going to happen. Of course there's the waiting for court, court decisions and reunification to happen. Also in the back of your mind your waiting for them to go home so you can find your forever child.

 Then adoption waiting comes. Wait for the tpr/relinquishment to go through and then wait the 30 days (or whatever it is in your state) for the appeal time to be over. Then wait for the HART matching to be done and the the adoption packet to be done. In Princess' case we get to wait for information to come back from all the tribes to see if her great grandmother was Native American or not. Wait for the information to be sent to the lawyer and wait for the lawyer to look it over and approve it. Then wait for a court date and finally the adoption is finally finalized and there's no backsies. We're mostly done with Princess' but the wait is slowly killing me.

 Also Princess' birthday is today! She is 2 and tomorrow we get to go camp and celebrate with her former foster mom, birth mom and some close friends. Can't wait!

V is for Veteran

 Thank a veteran when you get a chance. I've heard people tell me how easy we have it with hubs in the military and its hard not to laugh or get offended. Right now besides working 8-12 hour days he has to fit in 3 times a week an hour of working out as well as starting up physical therapy for his knees. On top of all this he's being told he doesn't volunteer enough. He's done security for concerts/events, Navy ball committee (meetings 2 times a week plus fundraising on weekends) and now he is coaching children on the weekend (not ours because foster care doens't count as volunteering apparently).  The idea that he is on shore duty and how much easier my life is just makes me laugh. I've been through a 6 month deployment,  a year long training session and a year long TDY to Diego Garcia. I feel like its even harder for men and women who know their spouse is in a combat zone so thank a veteran. Don't tell them they have it made because of health insurance or something stupid.

U is for unloved and unwanted

 A lot of foster kids, especially the older ones how understand whats going on feel like they're unworthy of love. Children between the ages of 1-5 make up 54.3% of adoptions while over the age of 11 only makes up 17.2% of adoptions. You can see the Statisics here. The most recent survey I could find says that there has been a decline of children waiting to be adopted, down to 61,000 that seems like way too many for me. I can not imagine what it would be like at 10 to not have a permanent home and to know the chance of me being adopted is extremely slim and in fact defies the odds (slightly less though since I'm female). Now imagine at 10 having to decide if you want to be placed without your brother, your only family left because he's 16 and no one will adopt you both.

 People wonder why children who age out of the foster system are so much more likely to do drugs or end up in jail. I think its because they feel worthless, no one wanted them and of course they have no support system when they're out. When I moved out of my parents house I had them to call and rely on if something happened. I can't imagine basically just being sent out with a trash bag full of my belongings.

 My heart hurts for the waiting children. We are even falling into the category of people that adopt children under 5. We are for birth order purposes and because she was the one they brought. We were open to a child up to 7 but it just didn't happen. If you're thinking about adoption consider an older child.

The Adoption Exchange
Adopt Us Kids
A family for Every Child
Heart Gallery 

T is for TPR

 TPR or termination of parental rights is the death sentence of children's court. Basically the judge rules that one or both of the parents are not safe/capable of raising the child and the rights are forcibly terminated. This is worse than a voluntary termination because it is proof further down the line that you were considered an unfit parent and it makes you more likely to lose any future children. I have heard some cases where they didn't remove future children at birth but I have heard of cases where they did, I think it really has to do with your state and reason for TPR.

 We have only had to watch the TPR process happen once. That was with Angel. Her case was drawn out and somewhat scary because we knew how much was at stake. First there was the criminal trial and we had to help Angel prepare to testify. Since we're in a small town we don't have the equipment for her testimony to be video taped and shown in court she was going to have to testify in front of her father. The father who abused her sexually, physically and emotionally. She asked my husband if he could go up with her and we got permission, the therapist suggested my husband use his body to block her view of her father so he would be unable to intimidate her. Luckily her dad took a plea bargain and plead down from abuse to neglect. Not as much jail time (was supposed to be a year and he was only in 3 weeks) but she didn't have to testify. Then he decided to fight for her and get her back. We were so nervous because according to his criminal case it showed he was 'only' neglectful. Happily he didn't show and the judge said 'well apparently this isn't important to him' but went through the whole trial process and ruled termination. It was such a relief to be there with Miss L who was desperate to adopt Angel. I'm happy to report that Angel is doing AMAZING, no more accidents, flinching from men, or dissociation type of episodes oh and I swear she's grown a couple of feet.

 I'm glad they didn't have to TPR on Princess' mom. She did it voluntarily which means down the road if she gets her life together she'll get another chance to parent. Plus it keeps it more pleasant for trying to set up visits with us down the road because it doesn't feel like we stole her daughter.